Value Part 1

I really care what people think about me. I know I shouldn't, and I know that I'm suposed to lie about it. It's bad form to admit to caring what people think especially in our culture. You probably care too. That's why phrases like this exist.

• "You don't know me!"
• "Who do you think you are?"

If you didn't care what people think about you. You wouln't need to tell anybody how much you don't care what they think about you.

The whole point of telling people how much you don't care what they think is so they will think of you as a person who they have no power over. You are trying to change the way they think about you, and injure the way they think about themselves in the process. Which means you care what they think.

Everyone anchors their self worth to something.

I too often anchor my self worth to my ability to perform. I think I'm really good at what I do. Much of the time this works for me, but I don't always perform well. When I FEEL like I didn't exceed expectations then my self-worth drops like a bad stock. This is a problem.

Too many of us measure our self-worth with things that rise and fall like the the stock market.

Jesus tells a story about a man that finds a treasure in a field. This man thinks this treasure is so valuable that he goes home and sells everything! His house, his car, his dog, his extra clothes, EVERYTHING! And with only the clothes he has on he goes and buys the field.

The Man is trusting with his whole heart and his whole life that the treasure in the field will be worth MORE than his entire life to this point.

We all sell out.

We all pick somehting in life and then sacrifice to get it.

• Career
• Relationships
• Wealth
• Kids
• Athletics
• Inteligence/Academics
• Fame
• Disposable time / Not working

We all choose to anchor our value to something or someone.

What is that thing for you? Can you trust that it will pay in the long run? What do you wish you were anchored to? What do you wish the people you care about would anchor themselves to?

Let me know in the comments!

Different is not wrong it is just different Part 1

I grew up in Japan. Most of the time I was the only white person around. This experience taught me "Different is not wrong it is just different."

I remember one of our first trips to a McDonnalds in Japan. My dad ordered our food and we received one packet of ketchup for each order of fries. In Murica' we are accustomed to swimming in ketchup. Excess ketchup is basically a civil right. We like to smother our fries in ketchup. We are entitled to this gross excess because this is America! We are the customer. And the customer is always right! We were used to getting extra ketchup and taking it home. Our fridge had a bag of excess condement trophies from a host of restaurants that we would never use. These trophies documented our shrewd food conquests. We always ask for extra. It's just what we do. If we don't get a gross excess of ketchup from McDonnalds, then we got ripped off! This was my world view.

Dad asked if we could have more than one ketchup per order of fries. They looked at us with shock. They said "No". My dad tried to explain that one packet could not possibly satisfy our condement needs. They looked at my dad like he had requested world peace and replied "It's just not possible". My dad spoke slowly thinking maybe this was a language problem. We just need another couple packets of ketchup. They asked exactly how many we would need. Dad generously responded we would make due with 5 more packets of ketchup. They disappeared to the back apparently having a short conference with management to discuss this extraordinary request.

The cashier returned with the answer "I'm sorry. It is just not possible". We asked why and the response was if we gave you more ketchup then our inventory of ketchup to fries would be messed up.

That day I learned that in Japan the customer is not always right. It felt like a slap in the face. I felt like I had been cheated. I felt like I was in crazy town and the whole world had been turned upside down. How could they be so WRONG? How could they not see we were RIGHT!?

This was the beginning of an education. Over the years I learned that Japanese do many things different than Americans. I love heated toilets. I'm drinking green tea from a traditional Japanese cast iron tea pot as I write this. I can't stand what passes for rice in America, and I drive an hour to Pittsburgh just to get a good bowel of ramen. I miss sleeping on the floor. I miss the convenience of riding the train. Part of me is Japanese. I'm so thankful for the friends I made, and the rich culture of Japan I experienced.

Different is not wrong it is just different. Sometimes different is better. Sometimes different is rich and nuanced. Sometimes different is just different. We have to examine ourselves for cultural bias. Because it hides. I'll speak to this in the next post.

What cultural biases have you been able to identify in yourself? Let me know in the comments.

Let it hurt.

One morning my 7 year old son got in the car and tried to buckle up. He quickly gave up because the buckle was so cold it was hurting his hand. I told him to try again. Again he tried and after failing to latch the buckle quickly released it and gave up again. I told him to try again. He said through tears, "It hurts!". I responded. "Let it hurt. You have to buckle up. Some things in life hurt. You can't just quit because it hurts. If you don't learn now to just let it hurt and do it anyway then you will never change the world. . . " Ok so I get kinda passionate, and I may be setting the bar high at expecting my son to change the world, but I think the principle still rings true.

The third time he tried I reached back and held the latch so he could buckle into it, but he still had to hold onto the cold buckle, and latch it himself. Unless people are willing to let it hurt you can't help them. Unless I am willing to let it hurt I can't help myself.

What Mandela's life says to me

It's not dreaming dreams that make them true. It's doing dreams that make them true.

Nelson Mandela gave a copy of this excerpt called "Man in the Arena" from a speech by Theodore Roosevelt to François Pienaar, captain of the South African rugby team, before the start of the 1995 Rugby World Cup.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Mandela didn't stop at pointing out what was wrong. He went into the arena and spent himself in a worthy cause. He demonstrated the willingness to go first. He used 'weapons' of civility, grace, and forgiveness.

If your goal is to change the world. Be careful how you tear it apart so when you put it back together it will last.

How you win each small battle will ultimately decide whether you win the big one.

What is Acting?

Acting is like laying your soul bare. Peeling back the layers one by one. Not so much pretending to be something you are not, but revealing the pieces of who you are. Even the ones you've hidden from yourself.

The greatest fear is not exposure, but that when the curtain closes, you may not be able to put yourself back together again.