Different is not wrong it is just different Part 1

I grew up in Japan. Most of the time I was the only white person around. This experience taught me "Different is not wrong it is just different."

I remember one of our first trips to a McDonnalds in Japan. My dad ordered our food and we received one packet of ketchup for each order of fries. In Murica' we are accustomed to swimming in ketchup. Excess ketchup is basically a civil right. We like to smother our fries in ketchup. We are entitled to this gross excess because this is America! We are the customer. And the customer is always right! We were used to getting extra ketchup and taking it home. Our fridge had a bag of excess condement trophies from a host of restaurants that we would never use. These trophies documented our shrewd food conquests. We always ask for extra. It's just what we do. If we don't get a gross excess of ketchup from McDonnalds, then we got ripped off! This was my world view.

Dad asked if we could have more than one ketchup per order of fries. They looked at us with shock. They said "No". My dad tried to explain that one packet could not possibly satisfy our condement needs. They looked at my dad like he had requested world peace and replied "It's just not possible". My dad spoke slowly thinking maybe this was a language problem. We just need another couple packets of ketchup. They asked exactly how many we would need. Dad generously responded we would make due with 5 more packets of ketchup. They disappeared to the back apparently having a short conference with management to discuss this extraordinary request.

The cashier returned with the answer "I'm sorry. It is just not possible". We asked why and the response was if we gave you more ketchup then our inventory of ketchup to fries would be messed up.

That day I learned that in Japan the customer is not always right. It felt like a slap in the face. I felt like I had been cheated. I felt like I was in crazy town and the whole world had been turned upside down. How could they be so WRONG? How could they not see we were RIGHT!?

This was the beginning of an education. Over the years I learned that Japanese do many things different than Americans. I love heated toilets. I'm drinking green tea from a traditional Japanese cast iron tea pot as I write this. I can't stand what passes for rice in America, and I drive an hour to Pittsburgh just to get a good bowel of ramen. I miss sleeping on the floor. I miss the convenience of riding the train. Part of me is Japanese. I'm so thankful for the friends I made, and the rich culture of Japan I experienced.

Different is not wrong it is just different. Sometimes different is better. Sometimes different is rich and nuanced. Sometimes different is just different. We have to examine ourselves for cultural bias. Because it hides. I'll speak to this in the next post.

What cultural biases have you been able to identify in yourself? Let me know in the comments.

Let it hurt.

One morning my 7 year old son got in the car and tried to buckle up. He quickly gave up because the buckle was so cold it was hurting his hand. I told him to try again. Again he tried and after failing to latch the buckle quickly released it and gave up again. I told him to try again. He said through tears, "It hurts!". I responded. "Let it hurt. You have to buckle up. Some things in life hurt. You can't just quit because it hurts. If you don't learn now to just let it hurt and do it anyway then you will never change the world. . . " Ok so I get kinda passionate, and I may be setting the bar high at expecting my son to change the world, but I think the principle still rings true.

The third time he tried I reached back and held the latch so he could buckle into it, but he still had to hold onto the cold buckle, and latch it himself. Unless people are willing to let it hurt you can't help them. Unless I am willing to let it hurt I can't help myself.

What Mandela's life says to me

It's not dreaming dreams that make them true. It's doing dreams that make them true.

Nelson Mandela gave a copy of this excerpt called "Man in the Arena" from a speech by Theodore Roosevelt to François Pienaar, captain of the South African rugby team, before the start of the 1995 Rugby World Cup.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Mandela didn't stop at pointing out what was wrong. He went into the arena and spent himself in a worthy cause. He demonstrated the willingness to go first. He used 'weapons' of civility, grace, and forgiveness.

If your goal is to change the world. Be careful how you tear it apart so when you put it back together it will last.

How you win each small battle will ultimately decide whether you win the big one.

What is Acting?

Acting is like laying your soul bare. Peeling back the layers one by one. Not so much pretending to be something you are not, but revealing the pieces of who you are. Even the ones you've hidden from yourself.

The greatest fear is not exposure, but that when the curtain closes, you may not be able to put yourself back together again.

What it feels like to be cast in a lead role

My friend Rachael Szabo had been bugging me for months to do a show. I had secretly promised to myself that if Man of La Mancha came around then I would audition.

I even started practicing "Impossible Dream" to be ready for a theoretical audition that I thought may never happen. I quite shamelessly fantasized about how awesome it would be to play Don Quixote!

A week later Rachael is cutting my hair and begs me to do Fiddler on the Roof. I am non-plused. She says there is a Broadway Review. Not interested. Then she casually says Geyer PAC is doing Man of Lamancha. . . At that moment my heart leapt, and the fire of inner vision was ignited within me.

I laid down whatever melancholy burden of sanity I had left and made myself go audition. I went to the audition thinking I'm going to do my best. I've got a great shot at the lead role! Why wouldn't they pick me? I had no clue. And so when I was selected to be Don Quixote I congratulated myself and geared up for the challenge.

Fast forward a couple months. It's Thursday night practice. One week before showtime. And I didn't know the lines to a scene from act one! I let my director down and I let the rest of the cast down. I knew in my heart I would be ready, but that's not good enough.

Just like in every aspect of life, my goal should be to serve. Serve my director, stage manager, my fellow cast members, the audience, and ultimately God. If my performance is not perfect every time then it confuses the supporting cast and prevents the director from seeing the whole picture. Ultimately this will hold everybody back not just myself.

I don't know what arrogance and naïvety possessed me to even audition for this role. I had NO IDEA the incredible weight of responsibility that was being put on my shoulders.

So many peoples time, resources, and yes even hopes and dreams are hanging in the balance of me knowing my lines, and telling this story with all integrity.

What a huge weight to carry. What a precious gift to guard and hold dear.

What an impossible dream. . .

"And for that thou wouldest have me stop? Nay let a man be overthrown ten thousand times and still must he rise and again do battle! The Enchanter may confuse the outcome, but the effort remains sublime."