How To Engage Teens 4

Be ready to start from ground zero every 8 years or so. Teens grow up. Then they rip your heart out and take it to college with them!

My youth group WAS the media team AND the worship team! They were not just students. They became fellow labors in the God's work.

We slayed sacred cows together. We discussed hard topics and grew up together. I saw boys grow into men, and girls into Godly women.

THEN THEY ALL LEFT ME!!

This is enough to make you walk away from youth ministry. I "felt called" to transition to college & young marrieds. In reality I was just deeply wounded from the loss of my students.

They are doing great though and I see them on holidays, and some come home for summer.

I have 3 weddings on my calendar!

Nobody prepared me for this though. You need to be ready. It's ok to grieve the loss. It's healthy. You may resist the new batch of 6th graders coming your way. Give them a chance, and fall in love all over again. I know I have.

How To Engage Teens 3

You have to bring your A game. We are competing for the attention of the most over advertised media savvy always on generation ever.

If they aren't interested in what you are saying its because you are not interesting. That hurts.

If you say "this generation just doesn't care" then there is nothing you can do. You might as well stop trying to communicate to them.

I prefer to accept that if they didn't hear and respond to what I was trying to communicate I didn't work hard enough to communicate in a compelling way.

I believe every time we speak it should be an expression of art. Painfully work on your art. Hone your craft. They are used to watching 30 sec adds that took tons of cash and man hours to create. They will not listen to us drone on uninspired for 45 min or even 15 min. It's not about a big show or entertainment. It's about caring enough to know where they are hurting and go hurt with them there and share how the life changing message of Jesus changes everything. Share that with passion, personal venerability, and art.

Checkout how Propaganda shares this message in the video below. You might not like the style, you might not like his conclusions, but you are engaged to listen because of the compelling nature of his art.

There is nothing God honoring about throwing a message together 45 min before youth group. If what you're saying matters make it count. Make it art.

How To Engage Teens 2

Build a Team It's really simple to keep 5-10 students engaged. You can know them all personally. If you want to grow you have to build a team. Authentic relationships that model and point to christ are the key to life change. For this to scale you need more people building relationships with students.

My first few years of youth ministry I had "helpers" show up but they constantly asked me "What do you want me to do?" That should have been a HUGE warning, but I was too inexperienced to understand how I was failing my team.

A team can only function as well as the leader. I wasn't organized. I didn't plan ahead. I didn't comunicate vision. My helpers soon felt like babysitters. They felt like they were waisting their time because I aparently didn't need them. I had to do EVERYTHING myself because I wasn't organized enough to hand it off to someone else. I felt bad putting my help in the position of doing stuff last minute so I just did it myself. They thought I didn't trust them enough to handle stuff. A lack of organization will kill your team!

You have to think through logistics so that students don't feel like your wasting their time. You have to build authentic relationships with your team so they can invest in your students. This means a lot of administrative work. If you don't track when a student visits, and get their information then how can you or your team followup and build relationships?

Lack of organization is the number one reason my youth ministry didn't grow.

You need both adults and student leaders on your team. Identify their gifting and call that out in them. Connect their abilities to the vision. Invest! Invest! Invest!

How to engage teens 1

Over the next few days I'll be sharing what I've learned about youth ministry. My views have changed over the years. I'm sure they may change again. I hope this helps someone get unstuck so they can show teens how to live for Jesus.

Authentic Relationships This is square one. Treat students as adults let them know you love and respect them. You can't fake this. If you want them to let you speak into their life you have to make the effort to show up in theirs outside of traditional church time. This includes being real about your struggles in an age appropriate way. We have a whole policy book that governs these kinds of interactions. Be on social media. Txt like souls depend on it. They do.

When was the last time you cried with a parent? It should be often. Parents should know you have their back. You are their assistant coach. If you are working against mom and dad then you are shooting yourself in the foot. You must establish authentic relationships with mom and dad.

Bonhoeffer

I'm reading Bonhoeffer. The biography of Detrich Bonhoeffer. It struck me that the Natzi party gained thier power by promising a state that would uphold moral values of the church.

To be clear Hitler was not a Christian. However German christians had so lost touch with the message of Christ that when someone preached another gospel many hardly noticed.

This should be a warning to Christians who too closly tie national ideas and politics to the mission of the church.

We must be diligent to preach Jesus. His kingdom is other worldly.

Prayer & Action

If you want to see your prayer life transformed than go hurt with people.

Put yourself out there and your own inadequacies will drive you to your face in prayer.

Do hard things, and you will learn to pray.

Love my neighbor

Yesterday 6 different churches in our community got together and held block parties around our city. I live in the east end right accross the street from Pershing Court. It's pretty infamous in our community. I moved here because the apartment was nice and I could afford it. Five years later I think I'm starting to see that God has me in this neighborhood, my neighborhood for a reason.

Have you ever thought that maybe you are in a certain place for a reason?

Could it be that God's purpose is best accomplished in your life right where you are?

How do you honor that?

The Story of Christmas Milk

When my first born son, Lukas, was about 4 I tried to introduce him to eggnog. He would have nothing to do with the thick yellow liquid apparently made from raw eggs. So I told him it was "Christmas Milk" a very special drink only available at Christmas time. I knew that this idea of a "Special Christmas Milk" would get his attention because milk was his favorite drink. He decided to give the "Christmas Milk" a try, and soon asked for more "Christmas Milk".

A couple years later, Jake was of the eggnog drinking age. I poured 3 glasses of my favorite eggnog. When I offered it to Jake he was not interested until Lukas piped up with the whole story of "Special Christmas Milk". I had honestly forgotten about "Christmas Milk". The story had lived on. The experience had lived on, and taken its own meaning in the heart of Lukas.

Someday Lukas will find out that not everybody calls eggnog "Christmas Milk" This will most likely be a surprise. To me "Eggnog" represents beautiful memories with my two boys. To others "Eggnog" might represent Griswold family drunken disfunction.

Our personal definition of who God is and what he does is often skewed. It is a combination of what we've been told and what we've experienced. It is really easy to write God off.

We make a judgements based on our limited perspective, and limited experience. If you have walked away from God for any reason, I invite you to give God another chance this Christmas. I believe you will discover a beautiful story your life was always meant to tell.

My Walk Of Shame / Restoration

I failed my son today. It is my responsibility to pack my son's lunch, and send it to school with him. I just got a txt from my wife. This morning I forgot to pack lunch. . . I kinda have that sickening feeling in my stomach right now. I hate failing the people I love the most.

My fear is that I won't be forgiven. Or that exposing my failure will disqualify me from leading. Notice it's not the failure I fear disqualifies me, but the disclosure.

I will go home to my 6 yr old son, bend down to his level and apologize. No excuses. Just an apology, and ask for forgiveness. I'll then ask how I can make it up to him.

If you're a leader or parent and you fail. Own it, and model the correct response. Demonstrate your resolve to do the right thing even if it means you have to eat crow.

If you don't you will solidify the betrayal.

Have you let someone down? How did you deal with it?

UPDATE: Lukas forgave me. I asked him how I can make it up to him, and he said he was hungry  So we made dinner together. 

What is Church 2 (Sermon Audio)

This week we dive into the history of church. Church started as a messy movement of Jesus people. Church became a monolithic monument of institutionilized religion in many cases. What happened?? What was church suposed to be? Hit the link to hear the message.

What is Church Part 2 (Message starts at 16:45)

10 Things Wreck It Ralph Can Teach Us About Life

Disney's Wreck It Ralph dominated at the box office through its opening and became the most successful debut ever for a Walt Disney Animation production (not counting Pixar flicks).

My friend Clay Morgan saw it and enjoyed it as well. Clay asked if I'd like to collaborate on a post at his awesome site claywrites.com. Hit the link to see what we came up with.

10 Things Wreck It Ralph Can Teach Us About Life

How To Beat Sin

I wrote a post at CultivateConference.org titled "How To Beat Sin" I'm speaking at the conference next year and will be contributing content there regularly. Hit the link below for the post.

How To Beat Sin

Small Group Questions: What is Church 1

Listen to Sunday's Sermon http://yourcbcfamily.org/sermons/2012/11/11/sunday-what-is-church-1.html

Note to Leaders: The goal this week is for the group to catch a taste of the excitement that the first century believers had. Encourage your group to think about when they first came to Christ. A good action step would be for the group to commit to sharing their story of meeting Jesus with at least one other person this week, and inviting them to church. Some of these questions may be difficult to answer. They are not intended to shame or guilt anybody, but rather to take inventory.

Discussion Questions:

Ice Breaker: What is your favorite thanksgiving food?

1. What makes Jesus so special that a movement began and continues even today?

2. Those who witnessed Jesus resurrection went viral in their sharing of "The Way" what would it take to excite you to share your experience in Christ with others?

3. How important is it that we share our story of meeting Jesus with other people? When was the last time you shared your story, or invited a friend to church?

4. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV)

"The Way" promises radical transformation. What has transformed in your life? What is currently being transformed? What needs to be transformed?

1. How much do you identify with Pastor Ron's "Big Ron, Little Jesus" sketches?

2. What do you think of when you imagine being consumed in Jesus?

3. How does one get "in Christ"?

4. Share an example of facing something while in Christ vs facing something while you try to maintain control?

How Wreck It Ralph Wrecked My World

My wife and I took our kids to see Wreck It Ralph on opening day. I must admit I wasn't super thrilled to see it. I had just got back in town from visiting a family at Magee Hospital in Pittsburgh. I felt like I still needed to get stuff done at the office. But I knew if I passed up this chance to spend with my family I wouldn't have another for several days.

Spoilers

Wreck It Ralph caught me off guard. The last few "Kids movies" we've seen, I have tuned out about half way through. I find myself on twitter or reading something usually because the story is not compelling enough, or the characters are not complex enough. I think it helps seeing it in the theater, less distractions. About the half way point I got up to get more popcorn. At this point I kind of felt like I was going to tune out. When I got back to my seat the story really picked up. Ralph had met this little girl and she suckered him into helping her. The promise for Ralph was that he would get a medal. The medal meant everything to Ralph. The medal would mean respect, and a change in life style.

The writers were quite clever. They not only had Ralph believe this about the medal, but they had everyone believe and affirm this about the medal. This is where I almost tuned out. The tension was just ridiculous. "It's not about a stupid medal people!!" I'm screaming in my head. The pacing of the movie was perfect. Because just when I was ready to discount the film I see the main character screaming back with furious passion "I don't care about the medal! I care about you!" Now, he didn't say these exact words but his actions and dialog amounted to this.

Then I bawled like a baby. . . It's no secret I cry in movies. I feel like a movie is an emotional roller coaster. If it can't make me laugh and cry it's a waste of money. For you tough guys out there: "Not crying in a movie is like not feeling pride, excitement, and fear when killing a deer." I know some guy out there is saying I don't feel nothin! Then what is that stupid opey grin on your face in that picture with the rack? Why is there a picture at all? My point is, a big part of hunting and playing sports is the feelings attached to them. Ralph believed all his emotional needs would be met in this medal. What he learned was that his deepest emotional need was to sacrifice himself for the good of another.

His motivation for doing this was love. Ralph only loved himself until he was first loved by the little girl Vanellope. She had given him a home made medal thanking him for helping her build a cart so she could achieve her dream of winning the big race. Vanellope was a glitch. That is she was not supposed to be in the game. She glitches in and out disappearing and reappearing all the time. She was just "extra code" with unclear purpose. Toward the end of the story Ralph catches a glimpse of the outside cabinet of the Sugar Rush video game where Vanellope lives. He sees a picture of her on the side of the game. He then knows that she belongs in that world. She is not a glitch. She is the real thing.

In the end it is the love that Vanellope first gave to Ralph that unlocks Ralph's true destiny. It is the love that Ralph feels toward Vanellope that propels him to sacrifice himself for Vanellope. It is Vanellope's glitch that allows her to save Ralph.

I can't help but see the spiritual implications. Like Ralph we often only care only for ourselves. We seek the medal of respect, adoration, and lifestyle. We mistakenly believe that our job, marriage, accolades, or achievements will fulfill our inner needs. The world around us is all too willing to promote these ideas. Then we meet a glitch. Something that doesn't fit. Jesus is the glitch. He loves us while we're still selfish. He loves us first. This love wrecks us. It resonates so deeply that we know its not a glitch. The world around us is deceived. This love from God unlocks our destiny to sacrifice ourselves. To love like God loves. To give up our ambition, and our control because the relationship with Jesus matters more. It is only in this that our deepest needs are met because Jesus saves us.

The reason Wreck it Ralph resonates so deeply is because its your story. It's the story you wish were true about you. It can be true about you.

How does this story resonate with you? I'd love to hear your take in the comments.